Are you my boyfriend?

Definitely not the question for my boyfriend. It’s just something I start to make sense out of from the book title that caught my attention from a book shop I stopped by in today. My boyfriend is probably raising his eyebrow right now and is wondering what the title is all about. Or girls who find themselves lost in the web of this so-called species from Mars (since women claimed to be from Venus) because of their relentless pursuit for male presence in every aspects of their everyday lives, can relate to the question “Are you my boyfriend?”

I’m not a serial dater nor am I promiscuous. In fact, I have never cheated. NEVER. But there had been a time that I was misunderstood because I’ve been going in and out of relationships thrice in a certain year, and people in my circle couldn’t track what had happened with the guys I dated that they thought things were sour as they appeared to be. Those moments are explained with the question “Are you my boyfriend?”

It’s like waking up one day and felt like you were dating a stranger. Like some nodes that connected you from a guy you were seeing broke apart and you couldn’t seem to figure out why he was calling you a name different from everyone else, like sweetheart, honey and those cheesy pet names you hear a woman across your lawn utters every week to different male visitors; like plumbers, electricians and onsite technicians she welcomes with her revealing night clothes during the day.

It’s like forcing mental images of a perfect marital bliss with that person but like a faded out bill inserted to a vending machine, it gets rejected by your own dream machine. That kind of feeling that something just isn’t right about the whole picture. The same thing like a bill, too much gray areas on the most important details of the currency or over imposed information to graffiti that you don’t want to deal with from the hands that scrounged it .

Going back to this book, the author does have a sense of humor in describing the different cuisine of men, like a menu sprawled in every page of the book. She even created an interesting introduction in the front page, “To you. You know who you are. Thanks for sharing and all those nice meals.”

Mr. Lady Lover Guy

He’s smooth. He says all the right things especially with his eyes. He likes to talk with you about you. You two have such a connection. When you’re naked in bed. In bed. That’s when he really opens up and shares. You even understand how he feels without him ever actually telling you. Because he really makes you feel special. Oh, how special. Until you show up at his house for a romantic suprise and see that he is making someone else feel very special too! He thinks everyone is special. Isn’t it special that he has to much love to give?

One With Nature Guy

He is nature. He knows everything about all sorts of flora and fauna. He eats the same things most animals eat in the woods. He’s so rugged. So groovy. So unshaven. You feel relaxed with him because he radiates Zen. Well, he did spend a lot of time in India. He teaches you yoga, which he’s been practicing since long before it was popular. But you know that Birkenstocks don’t go with everything, even though he thinks they do. And he can’t relate to pop culture because he refuses to won a TV (it manufactures consumerism). Besides, he doesn’t believe in needles modern conveniences – like banks, cars or deodorant. And that’s why he smells.

It’s Not You It’s Me Guy

He can’t commit to you (or to a relationship or to a job with a desk). He’s tried but he just can’t. But why not? You two get along so well when you don’t fight about how he can’t commit. And what he’s doing with all his precious time that he can’t spend any of it with you? But just as you’re hating him, he calls you for a date and you love him again! So what if it’s the last minute? That’s why he’s so exciting – he’s unavailable. But he does care about you. As a matter of fact, he thinks you two are friends. Friends who sleep together. And that makes you his best friend after all!

Living For Tonight Guy

He’s life of the party. He’s hip. He’s looking good. He can really hold his liquor. And all those little colored pills. He can go to work every day on two hours of sleep. So what if you have no idea what he’s really like since you only see him at parties, or clubs, or exclusive bars with no name outside. And then you can never really talk to him because his cell phone comes first. But he dresses great! And he knows everyone and the best places to go. How convenient. Now you can get right in just by dropping his name. He’s so cool! Too bad you won’t be able to stay friends with him after you hold an intervention and he blames you.

But He’s Got A Great Personality Guy

You want to be attracted to him. But you’re not. And that’s putting it mildly. He’s smart, interesting, and he thinks you’re wonderful. But you just can’t imagine him naked. Although you keep trying. And after a while, he just assumes you like really dark restaurants. You even drink extra at dinner and lecture yourself about beauty within. When your friends accidentally see you together, you flash them a look that screams “Please don’t think I’m with him!” And then you introduce him as your “FRIEND.” You feel so shallow. Why can’t you just get over it? But when he stops calling, you become jealous. After all, you were supposed to dump him. Now he’s attractive.

Couldn’t Be Nicer Guy

He’s attentive. He’s thoughtful. And he’ll do whatever you tell him to do. He’s so nice. So nice that he’s too nice. Your mother says, “But he’s so nice! Why don’t you like him?” You don’t know why. Maybe it’s because there’s no drama. Maybe it’s because he’s always there. Waiting. Even after you repeatedly told him about that “other” guy. But he never gets mad. He just wants to hold you. Nice….boring. You’d rather spend your time being ignored by someone you really like. But your mother likes him. Maybe your mother should date him.

Emotionally Present Artist Guy

He’s sensitive, perceptive, and he writes you beautiful poetry. But he sure can be moody! More moody than you are when you get your period. And he’s always broke. He’s taken a vow of poverty to be a real artist. But he’s never boring, even when he makes you take the bus because he doesn’t have a car. You don’t always understand what he’s talking about, though. But you feel like you should listen because you bet it’s really profound. Or maybe he’s just crazy. Or pretentiously in pain. But remember to keep those napkins he doodled on just in case he makes it big.

Are you Gay? Guy

You two relate like girlfriends. You have so much in common. And he has style. His wardrobe is better than yours. He even suggests things for you to wear! But as you spend time together, you sense that there’s just something about him. What is it? He says he’s not, but you wonder… is he gay? Is it that he can tell which men are physically good-looking when straight men claim they don’t have this ability? Is it that he owns a really small dog? Or that he loves Art Deco furniture? Or the fact that his pants are tight on you due to his slightly leaner build? Hmm, maybe he’s just European? Who knows. But he does notice when you get a haircut and compliments you.

Physically Active Sports Guy

His world revolves around sports. But he’s not a couch potato sports fan. His body is a machine! Naturally you feel the need to step up your exercise regime. Since whenever you see him, he’s already finished his workout and asks you about yours. Because he makes time for fitness. If he’s not sweating, he’s not happy. He does the Eco-Challenge vacation. Physical competition excites him. It’s so exciting that he thinks you should push yourself just as hard. This can be annoying when all you want to do is go for a walk. Or eat yourself into a bag of chips while watching reruns.

Some Young Fling Guy

He’s cute. He’s playful. He looks great in those jeans. And he can have a lot of sex. In every room. In ever position. But sometimes it’s like a boring deja vu when he talks about the things you already figured out years ago. And face it, you’re happy that time is over. And he’s not into intimate dinners. Instead, you get to join his large group of friends on their migration from bar to bar. It’s the only way he knows how to socialize. And he has to stay over at your place since he has three roommates, video games and only one towel. But at least he doesn’t have as much emotional baggage and annoying, defined habits – like your ex. How liberating!

There are actually a lot of guys the lady author seemed to have dated! And pretty interesting ones that you don’t come across with everyday. And there’s something about the author and sex. LOL. And the menu of men goes on I couldn’t write them all down. There were like a lot!

They also had me thinking of some guys I have come across with that puts off some little bit of wrinkles on my nose and they were not necessarily guys I have dated, but guys who put too much of their characteristics on the limelight that it was getting a pain in the eye.